home team.

one of the great things about being a nurse is working 3-4 days a week. yes they are long 12 hours shifts, and yes they can be so tiring, BUT every once in a while your days off end up all grouped together and its like mini vacation. A mini vacation in the middle of your full time work week. glorious. this last week i had my 4 days off in a row and was able to travel back home to beautiful, wonderful, hecka tight northern california.

september is a busy time for my family. my moms birthday comes first, then my brothers birthday is a week later, which is also the same day as my parent's wedding anniversary. full of celebrations and fun. so i was ecstatic when i realized my 4 days off were in the middle of all of this. not to mention it was not just my brothers birthday, but his 21st birthday. it's wild to think my younger brother is 21. the crazy kid who would never stop chatting or telling corny jokes. the crazy kid who used to drink coke for breakfast and eat nothing but hotdogs. the crazy kid who is now a super talented musician, making a name for himself. the crazy who now only drinks iced black coffee and eats kale and chia seed salads. and this crazy kid loves that someone once told him he looked like dave grohl and has never been happier.

my brother and i are 5 years apart. we used to argue all the time as kids. i always felt like he was such an annoying little brother and he thought i was too much of a know it all sister. it wasn't until we both grew up that we got super close. and sadly this happened around the time i left for college. but thankfully i chose i school in southern california, not too far away, which made it possible come home for big events. i got to be there for some of his school dances, shows for his different bands, high school graduation, and now his 21 birthday. i always joke about my brother being so much cooler then me, but its real. he is such a cool dude, and so talented. thankful i have such a stellar bro to live life with.

there is something so refreshing about being home for me. i cherish every moment i spend at home and always wish for more time. it sounds so cheesy but when i'm at home i feel like everything stops. there is not crazy hospital business, no work drama, the stress of being a nurse is gone. i get to just be me with my family and friends from home. yes a nurse is a huge part of who i am, but on my days off in southern california i spend sleeping, trying to restore all the energy lost at work. on my days off in Sac, i fill every moment with seeing people i love. spending it with my family, seeing my best friends, and having my brother show me the cool new spots. i get so much energy from spending time with them and come back feeling so restored. i feel so pumped from spending wednesday nights at the local sushi place with my family and their friends. going to Rims deli and always getting the best sandwich with the best ice for your beverage. being able to get places in a reasonable amount of time because traffic is different there. being able to stay up until 1 am either talking to my best friends from high school or watching my brother jam in his studio.

this is my home team. my people who truly know me. the people i would count on for anything and everything. people who i feed off of and don't feel any pressure about having to hang out/entertain them. the people who remind me the person i am/things i can do. my heart aches for home and to be around those people all the time. now i feel like i have to reiterate i do like my job, love where i live, and am not always sad about my current work/living situation. i am so grateful for those. BUT home is special. it will always be a special place to me and am so thankful i have FO town to go back to from time to time. i dread the day where i have to live more then a 6 hours drive away from it. :)

my one and only bro, who i force to be a giants fan. 

the bro in his studio, coordinating sessions
for clients, look at him go!

some of the wonderful friends that are still in the Sac area

my shameless plug for my brother's studio, seriously
check it out, he has groupons!! :)

community.

oh community. As an Azusa Pacific Student, this was a word that you kinda grew to hate. You heard it everywhere. APU has such great community. Come to APU for the community. One of the four cornerstones of the school is Community. Community, Community, Community. Students would joke about this word, as it appeared so cliche to us. It was hard to hear a sentence about APU without the word community. But now as an APU alum, I have come to truly love that word. Especially since my time at APU has blessed me with such an awesome community. I have a group of friends from college that are just SO solid. They are such a great group of people who are truly living their lives for the Lord. The only bummer is that after college we were all taken away to different areas. We are spread out over Washington, Oregon, Northern California, Southern California, and Colorado.

The one thing I truly love about this group is how intentional we are with the time we have together. We try every year to get together around christmas time for this event we started while at APU called Christmativities - a fun filled weekend where you do every christmas activity possible. Decorating cookies, watching any and every christmas movie, white elephant gift exchange, and anything else we can think of. And since we know we only have a few days together, not much sleeping happens since we want to soak up all the time we can. Staying up late watching movies, catching up, and reminiscing about the times when we only lived 15 minutes away from each other. The countdown to that weekend in December starts as soon as we all leave and cant wait until next year's. But let me tell you those 363 days until the next Christmativities is just too many.

That being said, weddings have become one of my favorite things because weddings have been such a blessing for our group. Not only are they exciting because the bride and groom become husband and wife and we get to celebrate that. But also because we all fly into town for the wedding and get to spend another weekend together. Another weekend of no sleep, staying up until the wee hours of the night sharing stories about life, things we are struggling with, or crazy cool stories of what God is doing in our lives. They always seem like the fastest 48-72 hours, but when I leave I am always just so filled. My heart is so happy and thankful to know such a good group of people. I feel so blessed to be a part of a group that values friendships that much. Each time we separate, it gets a little harder and harder for me. But then makes me more excited for the next time that brings us together. Only 135 days until Christmativites, but hey who's counting?  :)

The Last Breakfast of Chrismativites 2012

We have WAY too much fun! 

Christmativites 2012 in Seattle, WA

Christmativites 2010 in Pasadena, CA 

temporary.

i can't believe that we are nearing the 1 month mark of being at my job. i wish that i could say that i am starting to settle in, getting more used to it, but really it is getting harder and harder. there are just so many things that are expected of me besides working my normal shifts at the hospital. I have to take these outside classes and certification courses which take up most of my days off. so all this great stuff that i am learning in the classes and at work, i have no time to review. and then the time i have to review leaves little time for anything social. and i know that this will be a temporary feeling and hopefully within the next few months i will start to feel more settled. its been all good, just very very busy. lets just say that i am SO excited for this weekend where i will have two days off where i have NOTHING to do, so much sleeping will happen.  :)

the hardest thing about being so busy is the fact that i have not been able to talk very much to my family or friends up north, fill them in on my new life as a full time nurse. since i was there for almost two years, i really had built up another life. I treated my time in northern california as such a temporary thing. I didn't unpack a lot of things because I was only living there temporarily. i didn't get involved in a lot or seek out a church because i was only going to be there temporarily. But God had different plans, which i am so thankful for, because i got to reconnect and build new friendships with so many people. And those people really mean so much to me because they were such a support, encouragement, comic relief when needed, solid shoulders to cry on, etc during such a confusing point in my life. When I got offered this job in southern california, i didn't even have time to think about what it would be like to have to leave these friends.

before i had to move, my very wonderful friend Irene teamed up with two other of my fabulous friends, Kelly and Brianne, and threw together a lovely surprise party for me. The four of us try to do dinner once every couple weeks and it was something that I always looked forward to. So we had 'plans' to do dinner on one of our regular friday nights. irene comes to pick me up and of course comes up with some legit reason why we have to swing by her apartment first. of course me, miss oblivious/gullible, is just like ok! then we walk into her apartment and i was absolutely overwhelmed, to say the least, to see all the people that were able to gather (pretty last minute I might add) to say their "see ya laters" to me. I was oh so thankful. To say that i was in tears for the first half of the party would not be that much of an exaggeration. Irene did such a great job of knowing the different friends in my life and making sure they all got an invite. Her apartment looked so cute with the decorations she had made and all the food that everyone brought. It was so good to be able to say bye to everyone at once and be able to fill them all in on the crazy roller coaster that was this job process. Seriously this night will remain one of my favorites for a long time.

here are some pics from the night. i wish i thought ahead to a big group shot before people had to go but am just thankful i got see them in person one more time before i left.

thanks so much Irene for being so wonderful to me.
Wish that I got a pic with Kelly and Brianne before they had to leave.

heck yes i saved this sign. 

aren't those balloons so fun??!

Brianne made this super cute cake and Kelly
helped set up the beautiful table, including
those cute fruit cones, thanks pinterest.

seriously wish i would have thought to start taking pictures before anyone had left, but like i said i was just so overwhelmed with joy and seeing all their wonderful faces that i wasn't really thinking. 

Good old dad, sharing words of wisdom with everyone.
Probably about the wine people are drinking :) 

and so begins the late night photo shoot...

it helps make this busy time easier when i know that i am blessed with all of these friendships who are still helping/encouraging/praying for me. its so funny to me how something in your life seems so temporary/brief to you, yet God has other ideas. He may have it last longer than you think, He may do something so significant during a time that seems so pointless to you. I am a firm believer that everything in our life has a purpose and is a part of the Lord's plan. I am so grateful that I had that time in northern california and that "temporary" period really prepared me for this busy transition into this new job.

things i miss about FO town.

I have been in southern california for almost 2 weeks now and having a job still has not set in. I have had a few days of orientation, two 12 hours shifts as a nurse, and then lots and lots of supplemental classes that i have to take on days I am not working. Oh ya and then moving took up some time too. :) So you could say that I have been a very busy little bee. I think that because I have been so busy I have not had a lot of time to sit down and process that I HAVE A JOB! THIS IS MY JOB! it's still so crazy to me, I am half expecting that when i show up one day they will be like, "oh ya we didn't really mean to hire you, can we have your badge back?" I'm hoping that with more time there those feelings will go away.

I ended up moving down here faster then expected so there were so many things I didn't get to do/go to  one last time before I left. Here are some things that i missing already...


Rim's Deli - I mean this is an obvious one. From their delicious sandwiches to their oh so perfect ice, it is just the cutest little deli. The friendly staff, small shop feel, its just so wonderful for so many reason.  Their junior BLT with Jack cheese and a coke...mmm mmmm it is good. I do think though that so far I have been craving their ice more then their sandwiches. :)

"Traffic" - Luckily I have not been caught in to terrible of LA traffic yet but I know that day will come, and come often :) The traffic up in Sacramento yes can be bad but its nothing like LA. You arent stopped dead on traffic for 10 minutes to have traffic start going again and notice there was no apparent reason for the stop. There is always like a purpose for it whether it be commuter traffic or a stalled car or something. In LA it just stops. My commute right now involves me going against traffic for now and I am so grateful for that.

Peet's Coffee - The closest Peet's Coffee to where I am living is 20 minutes away in Pasadena. And so far I have not had a reason to go to Pasadena therefor allowing me to get Peet's. Im embarrassed to say that this transition is actually really hard for me and I have debated writing a letter to their company encouraging them to open another location closer to me, a great customer :)

Fall Trees - Yes I know that it is spring time and this is not a concern at the moment, but I am already preparing myself. I missed fall trees so much when I was going to school down here and am nervous for my reactions when October comes.

Sacramento Kings - I will miss going to Kings games so much. This team has always meant so much to me and going to games was always such a fun thing that my family did. I am already looking forward to Wednesday when the Kings play the Clippers at Arco (or i guess SleepTrain now) so the game will be televised down here! Hopefully I will get to watch it with my other die hard kings fan friend Kristen and spend the rest of the night praying that they dont move to Seattle for next season.

And then of course there is my family and all my friends that I have up there, but I would get way too emotional writing about them right now :) 

oh happy day.

whelp it finally happend. I GOT A JOB! I still don't believe it. This time has been the craziest test of not only my patience but also trusting in God. This labyrinth of sorting through different hospital websites/job boards applying to anything and almost everything I was eligible for. Trying so hard to find/see the plan God had for me. Well there is a job opening in Texas, am I supposed to be in Texas? Will my license transfer to Texas? The questions would go on and on. The longer my job search went on the more and more I had to trust God. Alright Lord if you want me in this state you will make it happen. I widened my search to include Washington, Colorado, Nevada, Texas, Georgia, Illinois. Not only did my search expand geographically but also by specialty. Alright so maybe im not supposed to be in hospital, what about assisted living homes, home health, school nursing? But of course when I thought nothing would happen and really put it in the hands of God, it all came together. I was really convinced I was going to be working in some nursing home in South Dakota, but it that's what God wanted I was going to do my best to be ok with it. But as always He had other plans. When I had finally told myself my dreams of going back to Southern California were over and was thinking what else I could do with my life, God opens to door for a job for me in Montclair, Ca (20 minutes from where I went to college) AND in a hospital. Seriously I never thought it would happen.

And the way it happened it crazy too. Only God could have done it. I had recently started a new small group and only knew a few members before starting it. It was only the second week and I opened up about my job searching.  I had had a really crummy week by getting an exceeding number of no's and some of the no's were supposed to be yes' or at least interviews because of connections I had. They prayed for my job search at the end of group and also prayed that I would have an interview that next week. The next day I am applying for jobs and stumble across a hospital I hadn't heard of in Montclair. I applied and no joke 30 minutes later I get a call to schedule an interview. I was shocked! God is so good. So i pack my things, head down to SoCal for the interview. I interviewed in Thursday, got a call that Monday afternoon offering me the position. Once again, I was shocked! God is seriously so good!

I was at a point where I knew nothing else that I could do. I was convinced the nursing was no longer an option for me and was trying to think of other talents God had given me and other careers  I could see myself in. My only option was so to give it all to the Lord. And its so funny because (as in many other times in my life) I thought I had been giving God control the whole time. God I trust you...to put me anywhere in southern california. Then God I trust you....to put me anywhere in California. Next God I trust you...to put in any hospital. Then finally God I trust/need you to put me ANYWHERE in the nursing field. I wish that as humans we would remember these times and incidents so in the future it won't take as long for us to trust in God's plan. But since we are human I feel like we always think we have a better plan at first. Oh I know God has something but my plan will work, just watch. Yeah right.

So to wrap up this super long post (my apologies :) ) I have a nursing job, in a hospital, in Southern California, and could not be more excited. I am frantically packing up my things and deciding what I need to take down with me. My friend Kate and her parents are letting me stay with them for a bit and then after I save some money, Kate and I will be getting a place of our own. I know I have said it like a million times but I still can not believe it and I am so unbelievably thankful. All the glory goes to God on this one for sure. There is no way this could have happened without Him.

remembering the purpose.

It's been really hard among all this crazy job searching to remember the purpose of it all. It's hard not to get sucked into the "american dream" way of thinking and start to freak out about well if i don't have a job by now, it's going to be that much harder to get one, and then I won't be able to start thinking about grad school until 2 years after getting said job, which means i wont be able to really advance in my career until this point and blah blah blah. Which is scary to me because when I was in nursing school I rarely thought about any of that. Like ever. It was always being able to serve these patients in need and loving them was my focus. That's what made me want to keep going in nursing. And the longer I have been out makes it that much harder to remember that.

It's also been hard not to take all this rejection personally. I have to keep reminding myself that it is not necessarily me, it's the current job market that is making it SO difficult to nail down a job. Nursing has always been competitive, but now it seems like here is a huge pool of options for hospitals to choose from and they can be so nit picky about what they want or don't want that you as an applicant can't really see. Having all the requirements is no longer helpful.  Even having more than that doesn't work. You need that inside connection to get you that job.

I feel that these are both things that the enemy is trying to plant in my head and trying to make me focus on. It is him that makes me doubt myself and skills and then when that happens, that leads to me thinking about how my nursing career will never be what it is supposed to. When I get these thoughts I have to immediately start praying and remember the passion that the Lord gave me for nursing. He has equipped me with what is needed for His plan and purpose. Or if I'm still missing stuff, He will teach/show me the rest of what I may need. He has placed me on this journey and as long as I stay with Him through it, it will work out for His glory. I know that I love being able to help people whether they be in a hospital, a home, a doctors office, or a clinic in some other country. Being able to show those people the love that God shows me everyday is one of the many reasons I love nursing and I believe the purpose for Him placing me in this field.

A huge help during this time has been the band All Sons and Daughters. The lyrics they put in their songs are so simple and so perfect for what I am feeling during this season. I have put the lyrics for their song "Alive" because it has been one of my favorites and a definite go to for me. If haven't already heard their music I really encourage you guys give them a listen.  :)

This is a call to all the dead and disappointed
The ones who feel like they are done
This is a word to all the ones who feel forgotten
But you are not
Oh you are not

We’re alive, alive, alive we’re singing
We’re alive, alive, alive and we’re shaken
We’re alive, alive, alive, alive in You

We are soaked in all the grace that we’ve been given
Unchained from all that we have done
Your mercy’s rising like the sun on the horizon
We’re coming home

We’re alive, alive, alive we’re singing
We’re alive, alive, alive and we’re shaken
We’re alive, alive, alive, alive in You

Amen. 

Whoa.

So I just finished the first book of the Hunger Games series. OH.MY.GOSH! So crazy good, literally read it like a day.  Can't wait to start the second one and all I have to say is March 23rd can't come soon enough!!